An important part of being a responsible adult is assuming responsibility for your actions, no matter what they may be. The same is true for children. However, often children blame others, or avoid responsibility for their own actions.
Why could this be? It's because they have probably received negative reactions when they admitted responsibility for a mistake. If they have been punished for telling the truth, they very soon learn to avoid telling the truth.
Don't Frighten Your Child into Avoiding Blame
If a child accidentally spills juice on the living room rug, he shouldn't be scolded or glared at. Instead, tell him that it's okay, we all spill things. Then tell him that you can fix it together, and give him a hug or kiss. This shows him that assuming responsibility doesn't end in scolding or anger. Instead, it gives everybody a chance to look at the problem and solve it together.
So many people are afraid to admit fault for things they've done wrong. Show your children that by being honest and accepting responsibility, they will be commended. Whatever mistake they made can be fixed, and clearly let them know this. You can even work together to clean it up, or fix it. Be sure to let your child know he is still loved, and that you're proud of him for doing the right thing.
It's Not Just a Kid Thing
You may think that avoiding blame is a thing only kids do, that by the time they're adults, they'll know to do the right thing. This, however, is not true. There are plenty of adults who still place blame on others, and avoid taking responsibility for their own personal mistakes. Instead of fixing what they did wrong, they avoid it and wait for others to do it for them.
Avoid letting your children blame others, and show them encouragement and a positive reaction when they do something wrong. You don't become responsible when you are mature, you become mature when you are responsible.
Accidents Happen to Everyone
Model how you handle mistakes. Do you try to shift the blame or hide the evidence? Making mistakes is not a sign of failure. It is a sign of being human.
Don't make your children afraid to be responsible, and to take responsibility for their own actions. It is okay to make mistakes, as long as we learn from them.
Judy H. Wright is a parent educator, family coach, and personal historian who has written more than 20 books, hundreds of articles and speaks internationally on family issues, including end of life. You are invited to visit our blog at www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com for answers and suggestions which will enhance your relationships. You will also find a full listing of free tele-classes and radio shows held each Thursday just for you at www.ArtichokePress.com.
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