When I was much younger and acne
was still in its death throws, I fancied the life of a secret agent. I was fired by the sight of James Bond and
Ursula Andress cavorting in the surf, and what a sight that was, as she spent
the entire film in a bikini. Mark you,
no complaints in that department.
I pictured myself as 007, jetting
hither and thither, packing my trusty Walther
PK, shooting my way out of trouble and getting
first crack at the girls. And the
thought of sailing into the sunset, with Ursula bobbing up and down to the
rhythmic lapping of the waves, was almost too much to bear.
But back in those halcyon days,
joining MI5 or 6 was by invitation only, rather like joining a gentleman’s
club, and as both services were secret, I had no idea how to apply. I knew the director was ‘M’, but ‘M’
who? And it wasn’t as if I was going to
bump into 007 in the Ferret and Trouserleg, and over a pint of Mine Host’s Old
Peculiar, to listen to his tales of daring do as a secret agent. After all, once the secret’s out, it’s no
longer a secret.
However, Her Majesty’s Judiciary
have a different agenda, and it’s all to do with Guantanamo Bay,
and allegations by former inmates that they had been tortured and deprived of
their human rights, which amounts to much the same thing. They complain that the secret services were
complicit in this ill treatment, and have started a legal action for
compensation.
So far, so good. But the secret services have asked the High
Court to adopt a “closed” procedure to guard their anonymity and, more to the
point, the whole ethos of their services. If these hearings are to be conducted in open court, with the tabloids
sniffing around for sensational news, then their cover will be blown. Needless to say, the solicitors acting for
the complainants object, but they would, wouldn’t they?
I have argued more than once in
recent articles, that we as a civilised society must accept a measure of “Big
Brother” if we are to walk the streets safely without being blown up. Extreme threats sometimes call for extreme
measures, so I support the secret services. If everything they do is open to public scrutiny, there seems little
point in having them at all. And perish
the thought that Plod would assume responsibility for our health and safety.
James Bond and his ilk are decent
men and women, often putting their lives on the line, and they deserve to be
protected. If this means that the former
inmates of Guantanamo
Bay have to go without
shed loads of compensation, then so be it. A small price to pay.
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