Move Over Alec The Chairman Is Here

Earlier today someone sent me a little news item where Alec Baldwin said that kissing Jennifer Aniston was painful. He was joking of course, because if he isn't, I'm willing to fly to wherever "30 Rock" is being filmed and stand in for him.

There are some situations that call for the Chairman's expertise, and this could be one of them. If he can't handle the job, I'm ready to go at a moment's notice. I'll even waive my standard fee for appearances, which is pretty high.

Because sometimes only a real man will do, and Jennifer Aniston seems to go for the Girlyman types. Now compared to Brad Pitt and John Mayer, Baldwin is a real stud. But if you compare Baldwin to me...well...sorry to be the one to bring the bad news Alec, but it's the Chairman in a landslide. Why...I do believe I would get a higher percentage of the popular vote than even Obama.

And all this talk about Bamelot is just plain silly. Once Jennifer Aniston meets the Chairman, it's all over for the Girlymen. That would be Brad Pitt and John Mayer. Whatever you say about Baldwin, (and I abhor his politics), he ain't no Girlyman. He's the only man I know with almost as much hair on his chest as me. (And Robin Williams, who is almost half ape.)

Just kidding.

So even if we're on different sides of the fence politically, we have a common bond. Neither one of us will ever have to belong to the Hair Club for Men.I mean, if either one of us ever went bald, all they have to do is cut a strip off our
backs, and we're good to go.

None of that transferring a few hair plugs at a time for us. Just cut a big strip like in the sod business, roll it out and lay it down.

Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever watched "30 Rock."

Maybe now that Baldwin has admitted how painful it was to do those scenes I'll have to catch it.

But my offer still stands. Alec, if you can't handle the pressure, if kissing Jennifer Aniston gets to be too much, just call the Chairman.

I have a plane standing by.

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