A Letter to Kimberly

There is documentary evidence from as far back as the ancient Egyptians and Sumerians of letters written by fathers giving advice and counsel to their children in all manner of life's situations. A few years ago, such an opportunity presented itself to me.

My daughter had recently moved to Jackson, Mississippi, and taken her first professional job as a paralegal in a very old and prestigious law firm. The adjectives "staid" and "conservative" are much too weak to describe it. This firm boasted connections with a U.S. Senator and a former Governor of the State.

Her mother and I were going for our first visit and were scheduled for a tour of the firm and introductions to several of her colleagues. Since this would be our first exposure to them, Kimberly admonished me to be on my best behavior, and to dress properly on my visit to the firm. Wanting to cooperate as much as possible and desiring to help in the furtherance of her budding career, I wrote her the following letter to ease her mind and to reassure her about my appearance.

Dear Kimberly,
I want you to know that I have given some thought to your admonition to "dress properly" when I come to Jackson and meet your associates for the first time. You know that I want to do all that I can to enhance, promote, and further your career. So, in addition to thinking about what course to take, I have been making some preparations. You know how I usually just throw some things together when we make a trip. Well, not this time.

We were out of school last week for spring holidays, and I had time to do some shopping. I decided to do like you women do and get something special for the occasion. After visiting several stores, I happened to drive by Stein Mart. You know, they have a lot of very nice clothes at greatly reduced prices if you have the time to look through a lot of stuff, which I did on that day. I found a nice suit at about one-third of the retail price and bought it. They even had two in my size and I got the conservative one. I asked them to save the remnant when they cut off the pants so that I could send you a piece, but they failed to do so. You know how these big stores are; these salesmen just don't bother to get the word down to the lower echelons where the work is done. Anyway, I'll give you a brief description since I'm so proud of it.
I have never had a suit quite like it before. It's a leisure suit. You know, I thought about buying one when we lived in Knoxville, but never did. It's a polyester double-knit with a 15% cotton blend which gives it a real nice texture. The label says that it is from the "Frederick's of Hollywood Collection." I have not heard of this company, but I feel sure it's a "name" label. You may even see some of their places while you are in California this week. It is dark charcoal in color. I would classify it as a "courtroom attorney, serious case" color. To break the sameness of this dark color, there is just the hint of a light grey plaid in the background. This is so subdued that it is almost sensed rather than seen.

The pants are beltless. They have a wide flap which ends on the left hip when fastened. This gives them a sort of "I don't have to wear a belt" look which really exudes security. The jacket has a belt in the back, which helps to define and accent your figure from the rear. The lapels are saddle-stitched, but they are in good taste. The other one in my size had fancy western stitching around the buttons on the front and sleeves, but I thought that to be just too sporty. The jacket is reversible. The inside is the same color as the muted plaid on the dark side. The plaid on the inside (light side) is charcoal and really stands out. When worn this way, you really have a sporty outfit. Because of this feature, I should be able to get a lot of wear out of this suit. But, don't worry. I only will wear the conservative, dark side out while I'm in Jackson. I'm going to get some new ties to go with it before we come.

I'm sure Sara filled you in on all the news when she wrote this weekend. I just wanted to tell you about my new outfit and how hard I will be trying to make a good impression when we come to Jackson next month.
Love, Dad

The phone rang one evening three or four days after I mailed the letter. After picking it up and saying "Hello," I identified Kimberly's voice saying, "If you do, I'll kill you."

Oh, the pain that can be inflicted by an ungrateful child. I had often heard it said that being a parent is a thankless task and one which is unappreciated by your children. Boy, you can say that again. And since that suit had been altered, I couldn't take it back.

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