Surviving an Affair...and what to expect the first few days

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The first few days of surviving an affair opens up a new world, though, not a pleasant world. Overcoming an affair becomes a thought that occupies the majority of life for those first few days. You begin recovering from infidelity by first realizing that what you have been doing is not working, and probably will not work.

You see, during those first few days of surviving an affair, you simply go into a
default mode. To survive infidelity you must first rely on your instincts. Instinct tells you to "work on the marriage." That becomes a "surviving an affair" strategy.

Instinct tells you to change and prove to your spouse that you have changed (have become what s/he always seemingly wanted.) Your surviving an affair inner manual tells you to suggest counseling and so you do. Your instinct tells you enlist the help of others, like family and friends, and so you perhaps reach out. For you, surviving an affair might mean reading books, and then sharing what you've found - "words of wisdom" from the Bible, Dr. Phil or the latest pop psychology guru. You feverishly engage in these behaviors as how to survive infidelity. But, guess what?

All of your immediate, seemingly logical strategies fall completely flat. Now, don't kick yourself for trying those strategies. Surviving an affair experts sometimes tell you to do those very things. And, you are not alone. A huge percentage of those facing infidelity start with all those "Killer Mistakes." I've written an ecourse that goes into detail explaining the futility of those "Killer Mistakes." And when you stop, dead in your tracks, sometimes, and cease those behaviors, good and unexpected things begin to happen. Read on for some results from people who were able to stop engaging in these "Killer Mistakes:"

"More fully accept the idea that I did not make or allow my wife to have an affair, she could have talked to me, gotten angry, had a good fight, cried about her unhappiness or a number of other things. Initially, I felt very responsible for her decision to have an affair."

"I have surely stopped taking effort in trying to change my husband's thoughts, beliefs and values. I simply am trying to concentrate on myself. I am trying not to get hurt by his actions. Though I have found lots of changes in him, I still don't trust him to a great extent. I want to grow to be confident so that he cannot hurt me ever again."

"It has made realize I need some counseling to help me make a decision as to whether if my husband "woke up" as to whether I would want him back."

"It has helped me gain confidence in myself, not blaming myself for it. I have also learned that I have to focus, and put more energy on myself, rather than on trying to work on our relationship. I feel much better now."

"More confidence - it is not necessarily about me, the reason for it happening, and has made the feeling of rejection easier to bear in a way. I've also learned that he is suffering through a midlife crisis - all of the classic indicators, right down to the "speech" - sad part is that he may never come out of it (has been 2 years) and has burnt many bridges. Yet, I can have compassion - to some extent, he is just not
able to help himself. And I do not have to suffer under it. Also, that first responsibility is now towards myself - if I am strong, I am better to handle it."

"I realized that I was trying to do everything that my husband of 22 years wanted done after I learned of the affair, but it was not working and after reading your courses I realized that I was only competing with the other woman and he was still sneaking around. It had been 6 weeks of heart-ache and depression for me since I made him move out."

"It has given me a wealth of knowledge, hope and tools to use in order to effectively deal with this crisis in a healthy productive way. It turned the affair around so I can make decisions and limits to protect myself from further pain. My wife and I are focused on the marriage and are healing."

"I have read and heard so many things about my wife's affair over the past 5 months, I am overwhelmed by them all - from how I should just leave her from everyone (including my mother-in-law), to how deal breakers are involved from Dr. Phil, and they all act like it's so simple to do. So far, your advice on not listening to them has been the best."

"It has helped me to realize that there is very little chance of reconciling my marriage as a result of this affair (type 1) and that I need to move on." As you read these stories, themes and patterns jump out. Transferring the focus away from your cheating spouse, and back to your self is critical. You gain a sense of empowerment. You are altering some futile behaviors and that feels good. "Hey, I can do this. It's not the end of the world. What else can I do?" And, you are able to stand back, take a deep breath, and with a new appreciation for your strength, make decisions that need to be made.

I am dedicated and passionate about educating and helping people face the infidelity crisis in their marriage or relationship. My goal is to help couples as well as infividuals cope with the unique extramarital affair facing them. I provide useful articles to help identify types of affairs and plan different tactics to stop the infidelity or extramarital affair quickly and help heal the pain and agony in order to survive the affair. surviving infidelity and overcoming infidelity

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