Like laziness, commitment-phobia is not difficult to find around us.
Very few people know that the term, which refers to avoidance of
long-term partnership and/or marriage, was coined in the popular
self-help book, Men Who Can't Love, in 1987. But Following
criticisms of the perceived sexist idea that only men were commitment
phobic, the authors provided a more gender balanced model of commitment
phobia in a later work, He's Scared, She's Scared.
Commitment phobia is a great stumbling block as far as relationships
are concerned. Being in a relationship with a commitment-phobic is
similar to driving a vehicle in neutral. The relationship hardly moves
forward. Generally, commitment-phobic people say they want a lasting
romantic attachment, but they fail. Ironically, in these romantic
relationships, the commitment-phobic partner seeks what he/she fears
most: love and connection. This paradoxical hunger creates a dreadful
reality.
Hear this short story: Priya and Sameer, both in their late 30s, were
going steady for about 10 years. But they frequently fought. They were
quarrelling even when they came to meet me. Sameer’s complaint: Priya
has been postponing their marriage. Priya’s grievance: he has been
insisting on tying the knot before she “settles” in her career. Sameer
thought she was pretty “settled” as a senior manager with an MNC. When I
looked at their handwriting samples, I found Priya was
commitment-phobic.
I will tell you in a while what I saw in Priya’s handwriting. But let’s have a few more words on commitment phobia, also known as a fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. The commitment-phobic mind sees decisions as permanent, opening the possibility of being caged or trapped forever with no means of escape. This fear can make simple every day decisions into a tremendous burden. Often, commitment-phobics are
prone to self-destructive behavior, such as walking out on partners without notice.
One potentially misleading aspect of commitment-phobic behavior is that the partner who is actively running away from commitment is not the only one with a problem. In fact, commitment-phobic behavior includes "settling" for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable partners, and engaging in instant relationship mergers as well as fleeing from what might have appeared to be a stable romance. Any persistent behavior that actively prevents a person from making a commitment or allows a person to make
excuses for not having made a commitment can be considered commitment-phobic.
Bart Baggett, president of Handwriting University International, USA,
says: “You may even be living together, but still you are missing that
sense of initiation that comes with truly knowing that the person is
committed to you with all his/her heart and soul. When you try to bring
the subject of taking your relationship to the next level, your partner
behaves as if discussing a future with you is not that important.”
Caution or commitment
phobia in handwriting is often represented as a long dash that streaks
out from the end of a lower case a, e or c. These little strokes forward almost
resemble "roadblocks" that give the writer time to pause and assess the
situation before he or she makes a move.
Bart points out: “If your partner displays this trait, then there is a
chance that he or she is probably just cautious in all aspects of her
life and the hold-up may not be something personal to do with you. The
person may just need time to process and analyze their feelings than
others. Usually, this is because they have been hurt before.”
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For more articles on handwriting analysis, visit www.writechoice.co.in
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