How To Make Your Ex an Ex-Ex

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Okay, so you and your ex have permanently called time on your relationship. That was certainly one squalid occurrence of your life and now it's all water under the bridge.

But there is just one meager remaining question. You see, you are not happy to let the goings-on terminate there.

Now that you have been apart for a while, you kind of get that consciousness that you want to get back with your ex. The lone doubt is that you don't really know how to go about it. If you constantly try to reach out to your ex you are in jeopardy of being subject to accusation of harassment. However, if you don't try and communicate, then your ex will nevermore know how you feel.

The irony of the circumstances is that your ex may be thinking exactly the same thing as you. They hanker to get back together, only they don't want to get hold of you in case it just leads to another shouting joust.

So, what is the most fitting wrinkle to use when you hanker to get back with your ex?

Well, let me tell you, I've been there, bought the teeshirt - and, have already given that very same teeshirt to my local charity store.

Up front, remember that you and your ex initially hitched up together because you were each tempted to one another. So, as woeful as your current situation may seem, it is certainly anything but impossible. Unless you have had a personality transplant, or important cosmetic surgery, then those aspects that you are blessed with that first attracted your ex still remain.

Subsequently, do not fail to remember what notable characteristics of your ex initially tempted you. This is essential because any rekindling of a friendship has to be a two-way endeavor. You need to centralize on what features of your ex you liked otherwise, when you subsequently do meet up, you'll subconsciously be sending out the wrong signals.

Having pondered upon the mutual affinity you once portrayed for each other, now you must concoct a dialogue. But, take care, this step is filled with dangers; get it incorrect and you can wave adios to your relationship.

In today's world, there are a multitude of ways to communicate. Distinct from the obvious talking together, in person or at the other end of a phone, there is a multitude of electronic means. Online instant messaging, email, text messaging, Facebook, twitter... I could go on, but no matter how many individual ways I listed, I'm sure you could think of an extra one or two. So, just round off the list yourself.

Anyhow, which modus operandi should you make use of when trying to communicate with an ex?

Well, since you know you ex well, you beyond doubt know their favourite means of communication. Very likely, you yourself will have an alternative favourite. The best option, unless you are absolutely sure that you ex has been sending out the come-on signals, is to decide on a neutral means of contact.

This preference may at first seem oddball, but envisage this. Say your ex is a Facebook enthusiast. Well, you may think that Facebook is the best way to make that opening speculative approach.

Certainly not.

If you ex is not yet warmed up to consider a reconciliation, then by encroaching on their favourite sphere they may well assume that you are invading their territory.

So, a noncommittal means of approach it is?

But, what should your lead off message to your ex be? Absolutely not along the lines of: "I can't live without you. I want you back." Then you go on to deliver an Oscar winning acceptance speech, full of off the cuff sincerity and injudicious musings - despite the many rehearsals.

That kind of pleading is inclined to set the Notra Dame alarms ringing.

No, your preferred alternative is to keep the message short and sweet. Give them a reason to reply. Ask them a question. The kind of question that carries no chance of being received as an allegation. Something along the lines of: Did I leave my brown pair of shoes with you? Now you know that you would not on your life leave your shoes anywhere and your ex will know that too. So, this kind of question will not feel intimidating and it will give your ex an excuse to get back to you - if they wish to.

If your ex doesn't reply then don't persist. Let things remain quiet for a week or two. Then give it another low-pitched try.

If your subsequent endeavor fails to bring a response then you just have to stop trying to maneuver a contact.

At this stage it might be best to put some feelers out to common friends that you both share. See if you can get any positive feedback from those friends. If not, then be prepared to sit it out for a time.

Having made it to this stage you are certainly in need of some expert relationship teaching. There are ways and means, but you actually need to know what you are doing and be conscious of the dynamics of the circumstances.

Believe me, I know. I've made every boo-boo in the book, and suffered countless hours of immense angst, before I eventually stumbled upon the magic formula. However, also believe me, with the right teaching you can cut the odds and get your ex back. I'm living proof of that...

© All Rights Reserved: You may freely republish this article or extracts of this article, provided the text, author credit, the active links and this copyright notice remain intact.

Robert James BSc(Hons) is the editor of the independent Madeira travel guide. He has been a Freelance Computer Professional for 25 years and has had numerous articles published in the trade press.

© You may freely republish this article, provided the text, author credit, the active links and this copyright notice remain intact.

You may not publish an extract that does not include an active link.


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