Oops! Did I crush some eggshells?

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 15:36:24 EST

Sonovaabiktch!My favourite cuss word. That's the expletive I use and misuse the most.I rarely skip an opportunity to let this extraordinary combination ofletters zip through my lips. The cadence of thiscombined-for-convenience chain is musical and it ends with a powerfulscreeching thrust — quite masculine, I would say. However, sometimes Imisuse it and squander away the scrumptious string on people for whom Ishould be using slimier words of the same family, such as… Ahem! Leaveit. Let's not get abusive here.

Theway I misuse the musical combination at times, several people abuse theword “cool” when they indiscriminately say, “She/he is soooo coooool!”,thereby giving birth to plenty of icebergs around us. Not that I catchcold when I realise I am surrounded by a pool of “cool” fools, but Ithink that the application of this word is inappropriate more oftenthan not. How can someone who just appears cool can be calledcool.

In most cases, “cool” is misused. I'm not saying most people havegot their semantics wrong; it’s just that they are too lazy to look fora better term to qualify some traits and therefore make the wordoverwork.

So, who iscool? Mr James who wears Hilfiger t-shirt, Gucci perfume, Nike cap andalways drives sports bikes? Not necessarily. Then it must be the cadwho uses oral muscles to the fullest when he proclaims, “Aaaama keeewwl guaaye, beibayh!”(Ouch! That really twisted my facial muscles.) Is the cad “cool”? Idon't know and I ain't sure about you either. So, let's pick on someonewho is famous. How about Aamir Khan? He has been referred to as a“kewl” guy. But is he really “cool”? We'll find out.

Just before we get there, I want to tell you why I have chosen to talk about people who are really cool.They add fun to our lives because in their company, we can beourselves. They make us feel comfortable and we open up. Such peoplehelp us improve upon our spontaneity. While dealing with them, we don’tfeel like walking on eggshells.

For thisarticle, Aamir Khan is our guinea pig because we all at least know theactor and we call him “cool”. So, let’s talk about what will happen ifAamir is a part of our personal lives and becomes our friend, partneror lover. Heck, do I need to tell you that you will become a celebrity?Secondly, you will have lots of money. And third, your personal lifewill be a little messy because you will soon know that the actor isactually not as “cool” as you thought he is.

Seehis handwriting. Notice the loops in t’s and d’s. These loops areindicative of extreme sensitivity. Such a person gets hurt easily.That’s what I mean by walking on eggshells. With a friend, partner orlover like him, you will always have to be very very very cautious about the words you use. Without risking a nice evening or anentire day, you cannot tell him that his opinion on certain things arewrong or the way he does things need improvement. Over every negativecomment, he will get defensive and would enter into an argument. Use ofeven one careless word would hurt him badly.

This carefulness wouldhack your spontaneity and even if you have something very important totell him, you will not be sure whether you should because you don’tknow how he would react. So, you will think it's more sensible todissemble your feelings. The situation won’t be that easy. If he getsto know you had hidden something, he will get mad at you, scream,shout... Because of his sensitivity, an interpersonal relationshipcannot be possible without plenty of bruises. So, it's really gonna betricky. You will have to approve of every thing he does. If you don'tbe ready to fight. Is that cool?

Forme, a cool person (it’s not a definition, ok?) is someone with whom Idon’t have to be too careful about what I say; I don’t need to diluteevery word I use. A cool person is someone you can crack jokes with andeven if you crack jokes on him, he should not feel bad. But if theperson I am dealing with has a loopy writing (like Aamir's), he may notprotest immediately if you ridicule him, but he will get back at youlater. Definitely. Mostly when you least expect it. A healthyrelationship is when you can agree and disagree with your partnerwithout compromising on your own individuality, opinion and stand.

Let me tellyou a small story to illustrate the point. I have a friend whose heightis about 5 feet. By normal standards, he can be called short and he wasvery conscious of his low height. Anyone who made him feel small abouthimself would fill him with utter resentment. Everyone in our friendcircle knew that, but there was this funny girl who would just not stopmessing with him.

She used to call him teeny-weeny. My friend feltextremely bad. He never told her that, but he used to share hisfeelings with me. The girl was not a vicious person; she was a little bindaas, carefreeand outspoken. I knew she did not want to demean him by calling himteeny-weeny. I told him not to take her comments so seriously. But hewould retort, saying I was being callous because she never saidanything to me.

Soon,that day came. At that time, I used to be lanky. So one day when bothof us walked into a small restaurant where our gang of friends wasmeeting, she said in a rather loud voice: “Here come Mr Teeny-Weeny andhis friend Mr Tall Tree.” I smiled and without wasting a moment shotback: “How about spending a night under me, birdie? You can stand thereall night and if you like, we may choose to call it a one-night stand.”History is evident she never forgot my name after that.

Well, as faras I know, my retort did not emanate from any resentment. She saidsomething, I said something. That's it. I do not care what people thinkof the way I look. But my friend was very sensitive about his looks,which was reflected by the loops in his d's. He would appear "cool"because he never protested. He never got into arguments. But though heseemed cool to others, he was like a furnace inside, burning himselfevery moment, waiting for the right time to hit back. That ain't cool.No way.

Bynow, many people who are reading this would have realised they haveloops in their d's and t's. Well, my attempt here is not to vilifythem. They can be great friends and I can vouch for it. But theirdesire for a stable and peaceful relationship is driven by their needfor praise and approval.

They are terribly hurt people. They arewounded by people around them. Their sensitivity is just a defencemechanism. If you have loops in the two letters, take them out. Theremoval will make you feel better like nothing else. It will make youstop being sensitive to negative comments.

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Oops! Did I crush some eggshells?